
Nick astral-projects into Sabrina’s room just to tell her not to feel like she has to participate in a Sex Coachella with all of her classmates. Since when are Nick and Sabrina boyfriend and girlfriend? They’re running around like a couple, talking about having sex like it’s a given … but have they ever even kissed, outside of the play? Seems like the sort of moment the show should make into a really big deal, no? Guess there is no time to waste as we barrel ahead toward “a frenzy of orgiastic carnality!”

One of my ongoing qualms with this show is that even though the episodes are long and there’s plenty of time to get in all the plot, some connective tissue always seems to be missing. To this, we all say: time to recalibrate. Sabrina always envisioned losing her virginity to Harvey. Zelda basically tells Sabrina, who calmly announces that she’s never had sex, “Now is the time to start!” Unlike what the “false god” would have you believe, sex “is about pleasure, not shame.” Point: Dark Lord. It sounds like something they’ve discussed before, in a frank and clear way, just given Sabrina’s comfort with a conversation that is infamously uncomfortable for all parties involved. The gold standard of “giving your teen the talk” on television is Tami Taylor’s talk with Julie on Friday Night Lights, but I also thoroughly enjoyed the open, matter-of-fact way the Spellman women handled it. It’s called “Lupercalia,” and while in the olden days it was a celebration of fertility, it is now, Zelda tells us, all about “S-E-X.” (Hilda: “I can spell it, thank you.”) To this I say: Sure! Why not? What’s the point of being on Netflix if you can’t give the kids that NSF( C)W content they crave?


So this entire episode is about how in the witching world, Valentine’s Day is a pure, unadulterated fuck-fest.
